Not ok.

I need a space to rant, and after thinking much, i reckon this is the best space where no one else finds me (unless some still do). I'm really not ok. I'm pretending everything is fine but deep down, its dying inside. It feels like god is or has been playing with my life, letting me go in circles, being hurt, being loved, being thrown and live independent, being able to make decisions and change my life, but yet being someone that is so soft hearted and indecisive towards things. If decisions came in earlier, probably life wouldnt play us in circles and we would be all where we would have been now. 2 years passed, and everything just went back pretty stagnant to where it stopped. Is it karma, or realization point that hints me that I should jolly well move on, or what? I have no idea what I should do, moving forward seems like the best idea yet it's leading me nowhere too. I've been living so hard, trying to please everyone, standing in everybody elses' shoes except for mine. I'm tired. Who stands in my shoes and thought for me? Everyone says i'm too considerate and soft hearted at times.

I guess friends, study and work are the best remedies. Even running my fingers to the notes on the piano gives me the contentment that I'm able to put off the world on my shoulders for awhile. I need to think out, meaning I shouldnt be so emotional about myself because there're far too many people out there 10000 times worse than me. So, everything i have now are considered luxuries. Ironic isnt it?

Wont be coming back to this space often until I really need a secret place to hide, and kudos till then.

xoxo,
the old me