Not ok.

I need a space to rant, and after thinking much, i reckon this is the best space where no one else finds me (unless some still do). I'm really not ok. I'm pretending everything is fine but deep down, its dying inside. It feels like god is or has been playing with my life, letting me go in circles, being hurt, being loved, being thrown and live independent, being able to make decisions and change my life, but yet being someone that is so soft hearted and indecisive towards things. If decisions came in earlier, probably life wouldnt play us in circles and we would be all where we would have been now. 2 years passed, and everything just went back pretty stagnant to where it stopped. Is it karma, or realization point that hints me that I should jolly well move on, or what? I have no idea what I should do, moving forward seems like the best idea yet it's leading me nowhere too. I've been living so hard, trying to please everyone, standing in everybody elses' shoes except for mine. I'm tired. Who stands in my shoes and thought for me? Everyone says i'm too considerate and soft hearted at times.

I guess friends, study and work are the best remedies. Even running my fingers to the notes on the piano gives me the contentment that I'm able to put off the world on my shoulders for awhile. I need to think out, meaning I shouldnt be so emotional about myself because there're far too many people out there 10000 times worse than me. So, everything i have now are considered luxuries. Ironic isnt it?

Wont be coming back to this space often until I really need a secret place to hide, and kudos till then.

xoxo,
the old me

2012

OMG. I found my long lost blog but oh wells, I've moved to pancakesforlunch.tumblr.com (:

对不起。

Moving to 2011.
Its been almost three months since i entered this space,& i have a million zillion things to update cause my life has been pretty happening! To start with, I managed to had my Diploma exam for piano (like finally) in Nov with tons of support from my wonderful teacher who put in much effort for such a lazy student like me muahahahhaha. As usual, term tests came in early dec with spammed mugging sessions to welcome my official start december vacation.I always love Dec since i was a kid,with lovely carols,santas,gatherings & of course the endless christmas presents.

2010 had been a pretty amazing year, & my life could be pretty much illustrated like a roller coaster ride. Ups & downs,i would say- framed my thoughts for life. I had my Final Year Project(FYP) with clique, planning an event from scratch all the way to witnessing the success of our fruits. Year3 was pretty busy with tons of site visits & endless trips to MBS/Sinema & etc, a pile of tutorials undone & confusing lectures which i either dint attend or wasnt paying attention half of the time. The vital part that sucks much for 2010 that i was down with fever on my birthday & poor me spent the entire night lying on my bed cursing & swearing.

Well, Nov & dec had been a pretty rough patch in my love life, & i was back into the real world facing betrayals,lies & jerks. I was thankful for all the wonderful friends i had, comforting me at & being there for me. Minus that part, the last quarter of the year was total indulgence in party life with my lovelies & homeground gang.

Ps: I met an amazing angel & a wonderful bunch of people that i'll bring foward tgh to 2011.